Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Simple pleasures..
Simple day-to-day pleasures in my life these days
- Listening to songs like "Chak De saare Gam" and singing real loud with it, while driving back home.
- Sleeping for two hrs at a stretch on a lazy Saturday afternoon
- Crying my heart out while watching a really senti movie on the big screen (and wetting Ravi's shirt over the shoulder!)
- Dancing to Ashna's tunes - literally - we both dance together and I'm supposed to follow exactly her steps which are more like a PT exercise
- Eating Bhurji-Pav with Ravi, past 12:00- midnight at Shivaji nagar bus-stand
- Spending a full day alone with my brother when he's in Pune -- shopping eating and talking for the whole year sqeezed in! (This one's an yearly pleasure - not day-to-day!)
- In Symphony with Ravi and updating him (blabbering non-stop!) with all the happenings at my work place and otherwise over Beer, Limca and yummy Tandoori Chicken.
- Planning activities to be done over the weekend with Ashna on a Friday evening - love the gleam in her eyes when we plan!
Would you like to share yours?
Friday, July 23, 2004
Clutter and me!
Life would have certainly been easier if I were a bit more organized. It's time for filing returns and I can't find my papers. Nothing surprising with that! Donno if I'll ever become an uncluttered person!
Thanks to the IT department that they always extend the last date of filing returns and I just heard about this years extension!
Thanks to the IT department that they always extend the last date of filing returns and I just heard about this years extension!
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Introduction to Envy!
Having studied in a girls school.. I've always seen too many feelings of envy, jealousy and possesiveness. I failed to understand how and why those feelings were so pre-dominant in their minds. Right from dresses to hair to best friends –gosh they had a reason to be jealous about almost everything under the sun.
I used to wonder why it never creeped into my mind. My best friend in school was my perfect friend except for this feeling that she wanted me and only me to be her friend. So if one fine day I decided to have lunch with some other girl – there were fumes all around. We both are now mothers having daughters just a month apart – and the comparisons continue. Given my loss of patience these days as compared to school – I withdrew myself and keep a distance. I hate people comparing children and their capabilities.
So far so good – no envy no jealousy. Until now!! Few months back I experienced my first pang – and gosh it was really hard – wonder if it’s got a force of all the years of peace that I had. And yes I’ve got envious of my closest friend – so much that I’m not able to talk to him comfortably! So much, that I couldn’t be a part of his happiness and his celebration, without pretending. Donno if he guessed it when I congratulated him on his achievements that it wasn’t straight from the heart. I've been trying to push it away every single day – but it refuses to go away. I feel ashamed of my feelings – I find them really childish – but despite knowing this – my feelings do yet exist!!
I used to wonder why it never creeped into my mind. My best friend in school was my perfect friend except for this feeling that she wanted me and only me to be her friend. So if one fine day I decided to have lunch with some other girl – there were fumes all around. We both are now mothers having daughters just a month apart – and the comparisons continue. Given my loss of patience these days as compared to school – I withdrew myself and keep a distance. I hate people comparing children and their capabilities.
So far so good – no envy no jealousy. Until now!! Few months back I experienced my first pang – and gosh it was really hard – wonder if it’s got a force of all the years of peace that I had. And yes I’ve got envious of my closest friend – so much that I’m not able to talk to him comfortably! So much, that I couldn’t be a part of his happiness and his celebration, without pretending. Donno if he guessed it when I congratulated him on his achievements that it wasn’t straight from the heart. I've been trying to push it away every single day – but it refuses to go away. I feel ashamed of my feelings – I find them really childish – but despite knowing this – my feelings do yet exist!!
Thursday, July 15, 2004
My mom's turning 57 tomorrow.
I often wonder about our relationship - why it took me so long to understand her and accept her the way she is. A long phase in my life - when i was in my late teens and till I was 22 - I was such a rebel, our relationship wasn't even close to smooth. I was in the judgement mode always.. "Mom you should not have said this, you shouldn't have done this etc.." Gosh now I wonder if I remembered that she was my mom and not vice versa. I repent that I hurt her so much in the process.
All my friends on the contrary loved her and when they came home it felt like they were more of her friends and less mine. When I visited US one of the first things all my friends mentioned were her and said they remembered her friendliness and her food!
The reason for my feelings for her, was that my mom does not weigh her statements. One can read her mind easily and one's mind doesn't have the most selfless thots always. Based on the situation in hand most of us need to become hypocrites sometimes and we all learn to do it. I've learnt now that she is not capable of doing that even if it's at a very small scale
My marriage turned the whole story - I felt closer to her more than ever. Reason: hubby had begun doing what I did - judging her! That's when I got into the protective mode and said "SO WHAT?" I gave all the justification for her and stood by her each time. It was tough - it yet is sometimes - but I won't let anyone in this world judge her and tell me anything about it. I adore her the way she is .. At times I have to tell her a few things which now I can in a much more subtle way. The only reason for me telling her that too is to prevent any other avenues causing her further trouble. I feel like her mother sometimes and want to protect the child in her. I'm sure there might be other people in the world like me who do not have the most mature lady as their mother - but a pure-hearted child like her. After becoming a mother myself, I realized that it must have been so terrible for her to be hurt by her own child. I'm sure now I'll always feel the way I feel for her today.
I'll make tomorrow another special day for her! Love you Mom!
I often wonder about our relationship - why it took me so long to understand her and accept her the way she is. A long phase in my life - when i was in my late teens and till I was 22 - I was such a rebel, our relationship wasn't even close to smooth. I was in the judgement mode always.. "Mom you should not have said this, you shouldn't have done this etc.." Gosh now I wonder if I remembered that she was my mom and not vice versa. I repent that I hurt her so much in the process.
All my friends on the contrary loved her and when they came home it felt like they were more of her friends and less mine. When I visited US one of the first things all my friends mentioned were her and said they remembered her friendliness and her food!
The reason for my feelings for her, was that my mom does not weigh her statements. One can read her mind easily and one's mind doesn't have the most selfless thots always. Based on the situation in hand most of us need to become hypocrites sometimes and we all learn to do it. I've learnt now that she is not capable of doing that even if it's at a very small scale
My marriage turned the whole story - I felt closer to her more than ever. Reason: hubby had begun doing what I did - judging her! That's when I got into the protective mode and said "SO WHAT?" I gave all the justification for her and stood by her each time. It was tough - it yet is sometimes - but I won't let anyone in this world judge her and tell me anything about it. I adore her the way she is .. At times I have to tell her a few things which now I can in a much more subtle way. The only reason for me telling her that too is to prevent any other avenues causing her further trouble. I feel like her mother sometimes and want to protect the child in her. I'm sure there might be other people in the world like me who do not have the most mature lady as their mother - but a pure-hearted child like her. After becoming a mother myself, I realized that it must have been so terrible for her to be hurt by her own child. I'm sure now I'll always feel the way I feel for her today.
I'll make tomorrow another special day for her! Love you Mom!
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Fire-fighting
Am just too tired working on show-stopper issues so many times. I feel like a fire-engine captain! Really need a change and I hope I get one soon.
Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another.
Anatole France (1844 - 1924), The Crime of Sylvestre Bonnard
P.S It's just Tuesday and I'm so tired... I feel like a squashed pumpkin today!
Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another.
Anatole France (1844 - 1924), The Crime of Sylvestre Bonnard
P.S It's just Tuesday and I'm so tired... I feel like a squashed pumpkin today!
Friday, July 09, 2004
Welcome Sonu!
Welcome to the world of blogs - my friend Sonu
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Sick!
..feeling absolutely sick and tired , physically , emotionally and in every known other way! I don't want to talk to anybody, don't want to do anything, want to sleep peacefully - I want to be left alone. I don't even want to think about anything right now - just want to blank out.
Some days this world is such a terrible place to live in!
Some days this world is such a terrible place to live in!
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
"My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity."
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
This statement is not one bit true for me. If it were, life for me and people surrounded by me would have been easier.
I goofed and said something at home which caused a major mis-understanding and a lot of trouble. Gosh how I wish I hadn't.. but words once spoken...Wish I could undo the damage caused. People will move on and forget in some time but right now I feel sick!
Some things are so natural and so inbuilt into you -it's just a part of you. Changing those gets really difficult. Being outspoken must have helped sometimes, but right now I just hate myself for being that way.
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
This statement is not one bit true for me. If it were, life for me and people surrounded by me would have been easier.
I goofed and said something at home which caused a major mis-understanding and a lot of trouble. Gosh how I wish I hadn't.. but words once spoken...Wish I could undo the damage caused. People will move on and forget in some time but right now I feel sick!
Some things are so natural and so inbuilt into you -it's just a part of you. Changing those gets really difficult. Being outspoken must have helped sometimes, but right now I just hate myself for being that way.
Monday, July 05, 2004
Aaargh again!!
Was in a 2 hr training this morning - and as always I do keep my phone in the silent mode. This guy - a PO/JT calls up my cell and I reject the call. He called 4 times in 10 minutes!! Had to finally type him an sms, to stop calling.
Aren't these things understood generally by people that if a call is rejected you are supposed to wait!! Back on my desk, and I called him up (to check if the house was on fire or something!!) Apparently he was calling to find out about my Mom's health! And this is after the fact that he just visited to see her yesterday evening. Give me a break man!! How chipku (sticky) can someone be!!
Some friends are so irritating and you just don't need them, but there are other unavoidable reasons that force you to pretend that you need them!
These days I'm finding myself growing more and more and more intolerable to these kind of situations or anything that irritates me! Or rather a lot of things irritate me these days. Is it b'cos of unfavourable circumstances at home & work? Time for introspection... I shouldn't be blowing my top so often!
P.S PO=Pile On; JT=Jabardasti Thas
Aren't these things understood generally by people that if a call is rejected you are supposed to wait!! Back on my desk, and I called him up (to check if the house was on fire or something!!) Apparently he was calling to find out about my Mom's health! And this is after the fact that he just visited to see her yesterday evening. Give me a break man!! How chipku (sticky) can someone be!!
Some friends are so irritating and you just don't need them, but there are other unavoidable reasons that force you to pretend that you need them!
These days I'm finding myself growing more and more and more intolerable to these kind of situations or anything that irritates me! Or rather a lot of things irritate me these days. Is it b'cos of unfavourable circumstances at home & work? Time for introspection... I shouldn't be blowing my top so often!
P.S PO=Pile On; JT=Jabardasti Thas
Saturday, July 03, 2004
Another one for the moment..
It is not advisable, James, to venture unsolicited opinions. You should spare yourself the embarrassing discovery of their exact value to your listener.
Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged, 1957
It angers me to see the so called Mr Know-all's giving unsolicited opinions, without really understanding what someone's going through! Unfortunately your interpretation of the situation is just yours! Remember it's not reality - it's just your definition of reality.
Update:
Mom's recovering, in a way it's good to have her close to me for some days - tho it would be better to have her in more favourable circumstances. The moment Ash saw her, she cried so badly - we all thot it's because of seeing her nani in those bandages on both legs.. but later came to know, it was b'cos mom's bandage was a pretty peach color and her's is a plain white! That's real Raw emotions - which these days only kids can afford to exhibit!
Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged, 1957
It angers me to see the so called Mr Know-all's giving unsolicited opinions, without really understanding what someone's going through! Unfortunately your interpretation of the situation is just yours! Remember it's not reality - it's just your definition of reality.
Update:
Mom's recovering, in a way it's good to have her close to me for some days - tho it would be better to have her in more favourable circumstances. The moment Ash saw her, she cried so badly - we all thot it's because of seeing her nani in those bandages on both legs.. but later came to know, it was b'cos mom's bandage was a pretty peach color and her's is a plain white! That's real Raw emotions - which these days only kids can afford to exhibit!
Friday, July 02, 2004
My world is full of....
...Fractures these days. Just when we were looking forward to Ashna's plaster being removed next week, my mom fell last night and broke her right ankle. Dad called to tell me this morning at 6:30 and given the time of the call I knew something's wrong!
One of the leg's fractured and one has a big cut which required stitches. So she's totally immobile. My parents live alone, they are moving into to my house today - till she get's well.
Otherwise too it's not been just these 2 in my family, everyone around me seems to be in the fractured state. In our small team we've had 2 major fractures and 2 falls just in the past 3-4 months. One guy is yet at home and will be able to walk only after 2 more months. All 4 have been or rather are being cured at Dr Sancheti's hospital. I think it's my most frequently visited place these days!
It's some jinx that I want to get rid of asap!
One of the leg's fractured and one has a big cut which required stitches. So she's totally immobile. My parents live alone, they are moving into to my house today - till she get's well.
Otherwise too it's not been just these 2 in my family, everyone around me seems to be in the fractured state. In our small team we've had 2 major fractures and 2 falls just in the past 3-4 months. One guy is yet at home and will be able to walk only after 2 more months. All 4 have been or rather are being cured at Dr Sancheti's hospital. I think it's my most frequently visited place these days!
It's some jinx that I want to get rid of asap!
